From Rage to Purpose: A Veteran on Healing, Masculinity, and the Fight Ahead

On The Self-Hype Podcast, I talked with Eli Vazquez about what it’s taken to get from suicidal despair to building a life that feels worth living—and how men can start to make that turn.

There was a time when all I felt was helplessness and rage. I came home from Iraq with a brain full of trauma and no real help. I was angry at everything I couldn’t control, depressed by a future that felt like it had already ended, and convinced that the only way out was to end my life. I wasn’t alone in feeling that—but back then, it sure as hell felt like I was.

I’ve told parts of this story before—and talking about it publicly has become part of my healing.

Here’s a short clip from the podcast where I talk about how sharing my story helped me start to move through panic attacks and reclaim some control over my life.

I used to have panic attacks when I kept all of the experiences that haunted me bottled up inside. Now, speaking out is part of how I stay grounded. In this conversation with Eli Vazquez on The Self-Hype Podcast, I had the space to talk through how I got from that place of despair to the life I have now. I talked about getting into therapy. About the long, slow work of healing. About what it’s like to carry trauma from war and still try to live a good life. And I talked about what helped me start turning that pain into purpose.

In this clip, I talk about how I learned to stop letting rage consume me—and started using it to do good in the world.

Not in some sanitized or motivational-speaker way. Just the real story of what it took to keep living.

Eli and I also got into what it means to be a man doing this kind of work. We talked about anger, about vulnerability, about how so many of us are taught that being a man means staying silent and going it alone. I was there. I stayed silent for years. And it nearly killed me.

The VA healthcare system played a big role in helping me turn things around.

This part of the conversation gets into how the VA helped me survive some of my darkest days. That support was life-saving.

It wasn’t perfect—but it saved my life. That support, along with therapy and community, gave me the tools I needed to begin healing.

We don’t need more men pretending they’re okay while their lives are falling apart. We need more men being honest with themselves and each other. Because that’s how we start to heal. And healing is what allows us to show up—for our families, for our communities, and for the fights that matter.

If you’re someone who’s been pulled toward the outrage machine—who’s angry all the time, who feels stuck or betrayed or like there’s no way out—I hope this conversation gives you something useful. A reason to keep going. A glimpse at another way of being.

Listen to the full episode of The Self-Hype Podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

And if this hits home for you, follow Eli Vazquez and check out more of his work at stan.store/elivazquez. He’s creating space for honest conversations that we need a lot more of.

On Offense is rooted in fighting fascism—but we can’t do that well if we’re falling apart inside. The pain and helplessness so many of us are feeling right now, especially under the weight of this authoritarian regime, is real. If we want to organize effectively, if we

want to show up for one another, we have to take seriously the work of healing. That’s part of the fight, too. It’s how we build the kind of strength that doesn’t rely on fear or rage. The kind of strength that lasts.

---

About Eli Vazquez

Eli is an LA-based, award-winning writer/director, TEDx and SXSW speaker, film fellow, and digital storyteller with millions of views, originally from Chicago. He’s a former senior writer/director at BuzzFeed’s Pero Like, has developed original work with Netflix, Disney+, and other partners, and now leads Self-Hype—a mental-health and personal-growth brand centered on candid conversations for BIPOC men and anyone ready to heal. Through The Self-Hype Podcast, he opens space for honest, unfiltered discussions around masculinity, trauma, relationships, and self-actualization.